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It is common practice in the service industry when talking to guests to address them with friendliness and respect. “Sir” and “Ma’am” (abbr. of Madam) are commonly used, as is “Miss.” However, we are now dealing with a change in our culture that makes gender-specific language more troublesome to use regularly--not just in the service industry but also in everyday speech. This cultural change is the increasing abundance and acceptance of trans people. Trans people who have struggled or still struggle with gender identity often specifically identify as either gender or neither gender. How does one identify as neither gender?

The third gender

When referring to a person in the third person, when storytelling and the like, we use words like “he,” “she,” and “they.” The simplest explanation of how someone identifies as neither gender is that they want to be called “they” instead of “he” or “she.” But what do we call them when we want to be respectful? “Sir” or “madam” doesn’t apply. To the extent of the author’s knowledge, there is no word in the English language that is both gender-neutral and respectful. We invent words all the time. Why can’t we invent one more?

The need for gender neutral

Why do we need a respectful and gender neutral word? A trans person is someone who has struggled with gender identity. For them, their gender and gender identity are one of the most important things in their lives. Whether they are a biological man who feels like a woman or a biological woman who feels like a man, they can feel trapped until they change their body or image. Acceptance of their new gender and identity is extremely important. Because it is hard to know how someone identifies until you know the person well, having a gender neutral term would be useful in respectfully addressing any person.

Besides the fact that it can help someone’s self-image and identity, it would be useful to servers and others in the service industry. At this time the only term that can be used to address large groups that is somewhat gender neutral is “guys.” The best word for addressing an individual is “you.” This is because using “sir” or “ma’am” can (and has) lead to insulting someone’s identity. As any server can tell you, the last thing they ever want to do is insult a guest. Having a gender neutral “sir” would not only give trans people respect in a way that doesn’t insult their identity, but it would also help servers properly address their customers.

Please, someone give us a gender neutral word like “sir” or “ma’am.”

For more information on trans etiquette, visit this website.

Written by Nathaniel Pantalone, VP of Marketing for OWB LLC